From Likes to Lip Filler: The Price of Perfection

Taylor Swift once said, “Be yourself and the right people will love you.” And I am not one to argue with Taylor Swift, but lately I can’t help but wonder if that statement is true. I have started seeing this guy named Gram, and I am sure he is right for me, but I’m unsure if he will love me as I am.

Gram is a very popular guy, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it, he’s been a playboy in the past. Which is fine, I guess. Everyone should be able to live their life however they want. What stresses me out though is he tends to like and reward girls that look like a sexy, baby tiger and that isn’t me. But that can change.

I know I should never, ever, change for a man, but Gram isn’t just any man, he gives me attention and validation like no one else in the world. Sure, he only gives it to me when I look my best, but I agree it is important to always try to look good for one another when in a relationship. And he always looks perfect. I am simply considering what I can do to make myself look more perfect. When I send him photos, I use FaceTuning or filters, but there are other ways I could go about it…

My friend Jia Tolentino is against the idea of me getting plastic surgery to increase my engagement from Gram. She explained to me over brunch that over 92% of cosmetic procedures are done on women. I said “See! Everyone is doing it! If I don’t get anything done, how am I supposed to compete?”. Jia argued that this statistic is problematic because women are rewarded for their youth and beauty more than anything else, and people like Gram encourage women to objectify themselves and consider their bodies as assets that can be adjusted for profit. Who does Jia think she is talking about self-commodification?! Karl Marx?!

After Jia and I talked, I complained about how she made me feel ashamed to Charlotte. But she didn’t even take my side! Charlotte said she went through something similar when she was dating Mr. Filterman and watching a talk from Elise Hu helped snap her out of wanting to change herself. With a sigh, I told Charlotte I would give it a watch.

Elise explained in her talk that the intense way Gram looks at me is what makes me internalize his perspective, and in turn, perform and optimize for him. Applied to my situation, I think Elise would say when I see a gap between what I see in the mirror, and how I look when I use filters, it makes me want to bridge that gap somehow. However, Elise also brought up the point that body modification isn’t just accepted nowadays but expected.

Face with barcode and the words "consumption" and "identity" with makeup products being applied by several hands around the face.

For years I have rarely left the house without makeup, dyed my hair regularly, shaved my legs, gotten my eyebrows tweezed, booked wax appointments, nail appointments, and facial appointments. Everyone thinks I’m better off for receiving these forms of beauty treatments, so why are they so against adding any form of surgical cosmetic enhancement to this list?

Maybe it’s not about the procedures themselves, but my reasons behind wanting them. Is it wrong to want to look feminine and desirable? If it’s not, then this is simply what it takes in our current age! Women have always known that beauty is pain, now handsomely paid doctors are just the ones inflicting the pain.

I think Jia and Charlotte may be worried about how Gram is affecting the ways I think about my identity and beauty. I will admit he is having an impact on these things; I do catch myself tying my self-worth more to my beauty because I just want him to prioritize me so badly. But is he creating new insecurities for me, or just intensifying insecurities I already had about myself and my beauty?

Even Selena Gomez is calling me out in her new song “Do You Wanna Be Perfect”. Yes, I do wanna be perfect Selena Gomez, but I know you, and Taylor Swift, and Jia, and Charlotte, and Elise all say it’s not worth it. So maybe I should do a little more soul searching before I make any body-altering decisions or go out with Gram again!